Not the girl i used to be

I'm mad at myself for not being okay
and because i let my mind run away

i dreamed about a happy life
where i didn't live in a world of strife

i hate that i let myself pretend
there was such think as a true friend

someone who would hold my hand
and always understand

my heart is turning black
and death is ready to attack

tonight i wont resist
as i once again slash my wrist

I'm ready to stop crying
and give into my heart thats dying

i know you will never understand
but this isn't how i had it planned

i never asked to live this way
but you don't know what happened today

my heart is already dead
no matter what anyone says

I'm not the girl i used to be
why cant anyone fu cking see

*once again I'm sorry... another venting poem I'm kinda upset*