An Open System

by Sean Allen   Mar 23, 2005


As you traced the last curve
of the Sun's smile on my hand,
the clouds clamored in to watch,
and upon its completion
torrents of tears rained down
upon the dew-wet earth.

Empathy for the clouds

I feel like I've been
walking uphill for such
a long, long time,
and all I've ever done
is build up potential.
But the gradient is slipping
away to a land where
all the wavy fields
approach zero: a plateau.
Perhaps this weary path
will bring me back down.

Waiting to let go

But at this height
how long can I last?
Every blasted step is
a test on my shoulders,
and I need a drop, a fall.
I need what you can
give me, change me, make
me change from what I am.
With a bit of work
(you'll need to push)
we can take all of
that potential and set it free
into a kinetic universe.

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Dorotea©

    "Perhaps this weary path
    will bring me back down."

    Those lines seemed to sum up the entire poem. I'm intrigued by the way you seem to take such a easy topic to write about yet you put the feeling into it. This poem was one of a kind, very nice write indeed.

    Dorotea

  • 19 years ago

    by FTS Miles

    I do enjoy considerably your ability to take such an everyday occurrence and breathe life, character into it. Great read.

  • 19 years ago

    by Aken Sol

    What Lance said.

    Aken Sol

  • 19 years ago

    by Lance Hardy

    Wow, as you noticed I haven't written a comment in a while and this one is deserving of a comment even as lowly as mine is. I thought this was very powerful and beautifully written. I'm not even sure I want to put into words how much I like it for fear I may lower its greatness. Just wanted to say I love it. Great job.

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