It's So Hard At Times Like These ...

I don’t know why I feel this way
Why it can’t just go for good
But I’m craving to cut again …
I really, really wish I could

But I promised him I’d stop
So I’m trying really hard
We both agree that I’m already
Way too scarred

But if only I could feel
That sharp sweet sensation
The blood, the release
If I could give in to temptation …

But I have to stay strong
I must remember what I said
Must remember the regret
I wish this addiction was dead …

I want to move on with my life
But I still feel low sometimes, I do
And it gets so hard to not cut myself
But Stephen … I promised you

So I’ll sit here, shaking slightly
As I try and fight the pain away
But these things in my head …
Why do these images stay?

These flashbacks of those times …
When I was hurt and abused
Coming full flow at me today
I feel so rejected, so misused

If only I could cut
I know I’d feel better for a minute or two
Oh how I ache for that relief
But I can’t, cos I promised you

But if I do give in, if I cut
I say sorry now, just in case
Cos I’ve a feeling I will cut
To stop these tears falling down my face

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005