And It All Starts Again...

And it all starts again…

So vividly I can remember
The hours I would spend
Looking in the mirror
Staring intently at my body
Grabbing away at my stomach
My legs, arms and love handles
And it all starts again…

So vividly I can remember
The thoughts running through my mind
Consuming my life, taking me over
Telling myself I was fat
So hideous that people couldn’t bare to look at me
That no guy could ever love someone like me
And it all starts again…

So vividly I can remember
Deciding to take action
New rules I enforced upon myself
No longer was I going to be fat
Determined to be the pretty, skinny girl
The person I longed more than anything to be
And it all starts again…

So vividly I can remember
The strict rules I made myself follow
No eating when I wasn’t hungry
And only eating until I was full
But over time the rules changed
Soon only dinner was I allowed
And it all starts again…

So vividly I can remember
Only one short month did I last
Christmas f.u.c.k.e.d me up
It wasn’t possible to give in for just one day
I lacked the self control needed
My mission was a failure
But I won’t let it start again

So vividly I can remember
What I’ve eaten in the last few days
Half an apple each lunchtime
Though dinner seems to be a problem
I can’t help eating it but I’m getting better
For I cant let myself put on anymore weight
I won’t let it start again

You may think what I’m doing is crazy
But I have to do it, I have to reach my goal
Or that maybe I don’t realize what I'm doing
But I know what I'm doing, it’s plain and simple
I'm starving my body of much needed food
But theres no need to fear, though I doubt anyone would
Because knowing my luck I’ll fail soon enough

*I dont really like this poem but I only wrote it to get some stuff out of my head so I suppose it served its purpose