What have i done ?!?!

It was late ,
so i waited,
i waited and it never came,
instead came nausea and tiredness,
tenderness an weight gain,
when the bump arrived it was a confirmation of my worst fear,
a baby was coming i was quite far gone already,
still pondering to get rid or to keep,
this confusion and fear feels like no other,
to have a baby would be heaven especially as they said i couldnt have them,
but thats not the point,
the point is,i couldnt cope with a newborn,
but could i live with myself if i got rid of it ?
of her or him,
these are all things i need to contemplate, gettin pregnant at my age !