I promise I'll try

Please don't hate me
I have indeed tried
But I can't write happiness
Its just not on the inside

My poems come from deep down
There's no way to explain
Its like the weather in my world
Is always rain

So many people ask me
Each and every day
Why I hate my life
And why my world is so gray

I can't really explain
I'm sorry I let you down
But I don't know anything else
Other then a frown

I know of fake smiles
But they have long since faded
i don't know
I feel so jaded

I'm sorry I let everyone down
I know you all care
But its not that easy
My life is just a nightmare

Happy poems are so awkward
From a girl so depressed
A girl who forgets happiness
And is in tears at her best

I'm trying to be better
I know you don't believe me
Whether or not what I say Is true
I can't really guarantee

I can't promise happiness
Its just so hard
With the past of my life
It just left me scarred

I can promise that I'll try
Its so hard to stay away
From everything I know
But I promise I'll try, okay?

I don't know, I wrote this while bored in class.. I was attempting to write a poem of happiness, but that never happened.