Ennui

So many things are twisted around...
My heart exists, yet I do not feel it...
All I feel is a distant yet near void that I cannot elude.
I feel rearranged, without my thoughts to guide me...
Without peace of mind...
And with worry etching every nerve beneath my skin.
I cannot sit still any longer!
How shall I know if she is safe?
How shall I know when she is near?
Would the shadows answer my plea
And follow this forbidden angel for safekeeping?
Skin so fair and soft in the vein of silk...
Warmth I can vividly remember...
I cannot sleep for my thoughts of her...
Where is she...is she thinking the same as I?

My mind is being wracked with invincible entities that are distorting who I am...
Time will sove this problem, eventually...
But time I do not have.
I need to see...
I need to Be...
Can I do so without my love?
Now she thinks I hate her...
Because of him...them...
Torn apart with love for her...
Love I cannot give so tenderly.
Everything reminds me of her...
Smells, sights, the wind and leaves.
How can I make it...
I can barely breathe...
I am suffering, and I can take it no more.
No one will ever see the side of me she brought out.
The side she brought out......no one will ever see.

Why the unreasonable insidious remarks to my character?
Was I really such a dangerous soul a to assign exile?
For that is what I am...
A criminal within the Light.
There is no heaven...
I've tried to imagine.
My heaven would be everyone else's hell.
No people...
Living for only themselves, anyway.
No land...
It's not really so hard to drift away.
Imagine everything else of consequence...
Being sucked into the oblivion of the Abyss.
Nothing to exist but your free mind...
And my mind is cloaked in a shroud of darkness...
No peace...
No Heaven...
No emotion left...
Ennui.
I am displaced...
I need to hear love's voice whisper softly into my ear...

For how else are we supposed to live if not loved?
I will disappear is love is not given...
If love is not known...
I will withdraw into the boiling cauldron of my soul
And cease to exist...
I will transform into a perpetual demon...
Uncaring and unsparing to anyone.

Please, save me from this fate.
I love you...

...(plz vote and comment. Gracias)