Torn Apart

I've screwed it all up
There's no going back
all because of that stupid note
i don't know what i was fu.cking thinking
who i thought i was
go ahead
call me a bit.ch
i freaking deserve it
by now i don't even deserve your friendship
you'll probably never trust me again
and i understand
you don't even need to talk to me
you should just cut all ties
because what I've done to you
is like taking a knife and slashing across your body
the whole time i accused you of being the backstabber
when the biggest one of all was...
me
and and her
we were so caught up in it all
so jealous of something we couldn't do
something we couldn't have
nothing i can say or do
will ever repair anything
this isn't about some stupid fight over someone
it's reality
and it's true and real
i knew this day would come
but i wasn't ready
in fact i probably never would be ready
i didn't have time to fix what i had done
i never hated you
i swear by my life
i was just... jealous
as hard as it is for me to admit it
i want guys to think I'm some hot item
but i can't
and that's not all you are
your a person
with dark and mysterious secrets
a person that i have really loved all along and i never knew it
now i blew it
and there's no going back to change the heart break
because the past has already been written in permanent ink
and it will never disappear
you don't have to forgive me
and i know you never will
and that's fine by me
because my body deserves this pain
from the friendship i have just now ruined and stained
things will never be the same
when we laugh they won't be rimmed and filled with true happiness
they'll be empty to pretend we're OK
I'm sorry
and i don't care if it just goes through one of your ears and out the other
because in my heart
i know it's true