Take away this pain

I've never loved myself
I carve into my veins to in some way express my pain
I've been deserted too many times but i continue to hold onto this life the crimson leaks from my royal blue veins and seeps into my knife to show off my pain i made a new life and my one and only love has lead me to this knife his love has faded and left me alone I've wanted to die hundreds of times and failed at this tragedy friendships fall apart like slow pretentious art i wish it would all just end and allow me to finally sin
to cut so deep my veins explode and leave me listless, helpless and alone i take the pills hoping not to wake up and face the life that i already do crying and aching for someway to move the numbness never fades and i smile to take it away this life will someday end and maybe let me just...begin

*don't know where this came from*