Punishment

by girlii797   Jun 13, 2005


I open up my drawer (the one I look at constantly). I just peer in for a moment. It looks like all the others, its full of clothes. But as I reach my hand underneath all the clothes, I find why it is different. I find exactly what I’m looking for. My prized possession. It’s the only thing that keeps me in line and sane. My knife.

I take it out and gently touch it to my wrist. I slowly start to press harder. The pain excites me. I stop teasing myself, I lift up the knife. I press it down with more speed and pressure than before. I can feel it easily going through my skin. I can feel it easily gliding through each thin layer of skin. Red starts flowing. I stare with a great awe as each cut fills up with liquid. Blood is running down my arm. I start to tremble. I’m not sure if it is from excitement, heat, or the loss of blood. I clean off my knife and slowly place it back in its spot. I press hard on my wrist with a tissue. The pain is unbelievable. But I don’t regret it (right now…give me a few hours…) I need to do this. I have to punish myself, for every stupid thing I do, otherwise I will never learn. Now, I won’t have to do this until I make another horrible mistake. Whish by experience, I’m sure will be tomorrow.

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Ridd1ck Yulas

    Im glad to hear that u found god. This is very good, and it was very brave of u to share this leterature with everyone one else. lol i spelled that wrong but anyways, what i was curious was when u posted this were u reaching out for help, seeking pity or just venting? im just curious :-D but it is good.

  • 15 years ago

    by Common Sense

    Whish for a fish.

  • I am glad that you have found another support system than a serrated knife... I've tryed coping with this problem myself, and I found that a strong support system really helps.. poetry, and my friends,girlfriend are the ones to help me, they don't approve because they do no understand.. but who knows..
    Allways..
    Jonathan...
    Neo_Assassin_Soldier@hotmail.com..

  • 17 years ago

    by girlii797

    THanks...I'm not doing this anymore...i went and got some help. So now I'm better than I was...I haven't cut in a long time. Thanks for everything. But now my reliance is onGod.

  • 17 years ago

    by Tinkerbelle

    I agree with The Flame Within,about cutting is a mistake and you need to learn from it.And that crying helps, trust me.i know from experience.and you can always talk to people and friends you know will listen.