Ashes to ashes, fairy dust to fairy dust

I sat, surrounded by a darkness that once seemed so far away.
My head was in my hands and black tears were streaming down my face.
I did not know what I had done to deserve this.
Someone I loved, someone I thought so much of was torn away from me without a reason.
People were putting their arms around me apologizing for my loss.
Why? No amount of apologizing could bring her back. Not now.

She was laid on a white bed enclosed by four white walls that matched her pale face that was once full of colour and wreathed with smile.
Her long dark brown hair was not soft and shinny like it used to be either it was wild and seemed black against the paleness of her skin.
I touched her hand; it felt like a handful of icicles slicing deep into my palm.
Her eyes were closed but not restful, she had fallen asleep with a perfect frown.

My father comforted me. He said, “I do not understand either, the doctors said it had just spread too fast.”
I cursed the doctors under my breath even though I knew it was not their fault.
I had to blame someone.

Four days later I saw her, so beautiful, they had done a good job.
She seemed back to herself again only, much quieter.
She even seemed to be smiling slightly.

I felt that I was ready to say goodbye, for the last time.
I kissed her forehead and stared at her for a few seconds, grinning.
“Come on, leave her now,” my father whispered softly.
I could not let her go, not now.
“She looks so beautiful dad.” I replied my eyes began welling up with tears.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
I placed one soft pink rose among to hundreds of red ones upon her final resting place.
Tears dripped off my quivering lips as they carried her away.
This was goodbye and there was nothing I could do.

One year on I sit at your bedside again.
Remembering your long dark brown hair and happy, smiling face.
Staring at our final words to you, ‘Mariah, a loving mum, best friend and wife: may your eternal path be strewn with fairy dust.’