The Notebook

Another 17 candles wasted
On just another lost soul
She waited for so long
For someone to fill that hole
She would sit there all alone
Totally consumed in her notebook
She would sit in her own dark world
And no one even gave her a second look
You could see her roaming the hallway
Always looking down
Trying to pretend she’d okOK_Trying so hard to hide her frown
She always held her notebook
It was her own little sanctuary
No on else would know of her pain
Because no one ever asked to see
She had many friends
And you could always find a smile on her face
That was her mask
For no one knew of her dark place
She would never eat
Always said she was full
Everyone else bought it
But I always knew it was bull
You would never hear about her family
And no one ever saw her after 2:18
She was the sweetest girl ever
To her no one could be mean
They were all oblivious
And questions they’d never ask
They never even realized she was pretending
That the whole time she wore a mask
She always wore sweaters
Even if it was really hot outside
I knew what she was doing
Yet she continued to hide
I would try to talk to her
Try to make her see
I want to help her
I didn’t want her to be like me
She started to isolate herself
You could always find her writing
And no one figured it out
That she already gave up fighting
She started wearing baggy clothes
And she was getting more black eyes
You could tell she stopped sleeping
And instead she would cry
Then one day she didn’t come to school
So I went to her house to see if she was home
The door was unlocked
Just another night she was left alone
I searched each different room
And then I let out a yell
No one had even noticed
That she wasn’t doing well
There she lay drowning in her own blood
And theirs nothing I could do anymore
Nothing could be said
As she laid lifeless on the floor
Then something caught my eye
A white book clutched tight in her hand
In the front was a note
That said “to help you understand”
She said 17 candles were wasted
That she was just a lost soul
She’d been empty for so long
That she could never once again be whole
Her life was too miserable
That she could no longer bear
But if I wanted an explanation
Then it could be found there
So I opened the notebook
To see nothing but poems of pain
Times of when she’d been used
And her tears fell like rain
There were poems of times her mother beat her
And the times she was raped by her father
She thought no one could understand
So she didn’t even bother
They said she had been cutting
For about nine years
So many cuts on her body
That she couldn’t replace with tears
Said she had an eating disorder
Had it ever since she was ten
She felt she could never talk to anyone
So instead she would pick up her pen
She said she wouldn’t have hid anything
If only someone had asked
But no one even bothered
So she always wore her mask
She had poetry of lost love
And wanting to end her life
That so many time she’d come back
And would turn to her knife
She wrote about watching her sister
Getting beaten, raped, and used just like her
She wrote about running away
Because she didn’t like how things were
In her notebook she hid everything
Because talking about it was something she couldn’t do
She had so much pain and misery
And no one even knew
She let her notebook be her shield
Stopping everyone from finding out
She was constantly looking for a reason to live
But it never outweighed her doubts
She said no one could understand her hurt
I should’ve told her I knew what was going on
That I’ve been through the same stuff
But I waited too long and now she’s gone
Everything was in front of me all along
But I ignored all the hidden tears
Maybe I was just afraid I’d see so much of me in her
And that would bring up all my old fears
I didn’t want to remember the past
I just wanted to let go
I lost a friendship over it
So now I’m going to let all of you know
So many people have been here before
Who know what I’m talking about
The victims, the cutters, the hiders,
The ones addicted to self harm and the ones feeling left out
So when you see someone hiding from the world
Give them a chance, give them a second look
Because everyone has their own shield
Everyone has their own “notebook.”