Woooow, The imagerey is simply beautiful. Great poem.

Why do you call it a story? It could be a free verse poem. Not all poetry rhymes...

And if you were to make it a free verse, I would suggest shortening the lines but hey. You called it a story so you don't have to. ;)

Personally, as a free verse I like this better than your other poems.

very good! i like poems that give me alot of detail in little ways...you achieved it! good job!

Excellent poem hun! keep it up!

Such a good poem. :)
~B

that was good, i liked it.
Hey, you have the same first name as me!!! plz read some of my stuff if you get bored...
Luv Niki

I like it alot keep up the good work.

another awsome story! could you read The Price of Immortality?