Tired of wondering

I wonder why
people are so happy and i only pretend
why they smile while i want to die
why they want to live life while i want mine to end
everyone is changing
everyone except for me
everyones smiling
and being so carefree
while I'm suffocating
in my cell
my act is fading
look closely and you can tell
i look at the sky
its so perfect
i hurt myself and it makes me cry
but in the end its worth it
each cut i get closer and closer
ima almost to my destination
I'm not backing off
i rather suffer the physical pain then the depression
sometimes i wonder why
but I'm tired of wondering
making stupid conclusions
PONDERING
I'm just tired
I'm tired of waiting
while others are already there
tired of hating
so ill make my happiness
and face reality
it was a mistake to come to this world
BC this world was not meant for me
so today ima say goodbye
and give end to the wondering why