My Confused Self

Everyday I sit in my room
I think about life
And try to figure its purpose
As I stare at a close but distant light

My life has so much happiness
But yet so much torment
All at once it's so overwhelming
There's so much feeling I need to manifest

I can't display my notion
To just anyone I know
Because not everyone is the same
Some people are cold

It's hard talking about how I feel
When I'm upset people stare
They ask if everything's OK
I say yes and smile like I have no cares

But in my mind I say no
I'm not OK
So many different memories of days gone by
There's just so much you don't see when you look my way

I try not to let it shake me
I do my best to be happy
But I just end up breaking down
And fall so unsettling

I know there are a couple
Of people I can talk to
And I thank God I have them
But sometimes words just aren't enough to express this wound

I also have a happy side
I'm going to college
It was a lot of work to get this far
I'm going to excel to a higher knowledge

I'm also working
I have the best job ever
I get to play with kids all day
Kids that I'm proud to say are very clever

But then I begin to think again
Only to find that the dark side
Out weighs the sunny side
So I'm stuck with this confusion in my mind

The dark side always finds its way
Back inside the cracks
Of my cold empty heart
Engulfing me with shadows of black

Jennifer