Hidden me

The rage that controls me is steadily seeping out,
I feel that i need to scream and shout,
Everybody looks at me with question in their eyes,
Thinking that they know me but all they see is lies.

I need to leave this anger out before it takes over my life,
I need to hurt and cut myself with a big cold silver knife,
How many times have i wished that life could end just like that,
With a cut so deep that the blood comes flowing out.

Or maybe i could take these tablets in my hands,
and take alot more than my body can stand,
and die before they can pump the poison out,
that would be great if it wasn't for this one small doubt.

What about the one i love?
Will he love me still even if i take these poisonous pills?
or will he just forget and go on to find another?
and then just forget that i loved him like no other.

I don't want to hurt him but my heart is full of pain,
My head is spinning they think its all a game,
can they see the anger inside me? does the pain show on my face?
do they know my heart is hurting? that it is the end of the race?

Faces of concern peering down on me,
None of them knowing what its like to be:
A victim of abuse in many different ways,
a slave to depression that eventually will end your days.