White walls, tissues, and a pen

I sit there in the waiting room
leaflets all around
all i feel are nerves and dread
through the silence comes a sound

Opening the creaking door
he gestures with a hand
leads me down the staircase
to the little room he's planned

I sit there facing him
surrounded by walls of white
tissues on the table
his pen held ready to write

I don't know what to say
the silence hangs around
finally i struggle with
a few memories i have found

i know I've made no sense
and i pray the end is near
he won't ever understand me
so why am i even here?

Finally it is over
and he tries to conclude what I've said
but i can see he doesn't have a clue
of what goes on in my head

I rush back up the staircase
and into the open air
it's over for another week
for the moment i just don't care

A week goes by and i return
but today i face someone new,
a lady takes me to her room
and i have to restart my review

I know I'm getting worse
but I'm terrified of returning
i canceled all my sessions
which would leave my insides burning

So I've moved back to square one
no more white walls, tissues, and pen
what now, if i don't want to see
my councilor again?