Story About A Girl

by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex   Sep 14, 2005


Have you ever seen,
A broken smile,
Have you ever seen,
Her try the extra mile?
Have you ever noticed,
How her makeup runs,
Have you ever noticed,
The look in her eyes that says 'I'm done'?
And have you ever tried to help,
Her lone and broken hert,
And have you ever tried to help,
Get her to the start?

This story is about a girl,
So lost and all alone,
The story about a girl,
Who can't find her way home.
And have you ever seen,
Her cut and break,
And have you ever seen,
How much her heart can take?

Now see her there,
Lost and alone,
Now see her there,
With no way home.
She tries to live,
But can't find her way,
She tried to live,
Everyday.

Do you realize,
How broken she feels?
Do you realize,
How she kneels?
She can't carry her load,
She's too fragile and small,
She can't carry her load,
She's begun to stagger and fall.
But did you ever try to help,
Her stand up on her own?
Did you ever try to help,
Her find her way home?
And have you ever realized,
She always says she's fine,
Have you ever realized,
How she's balancing a line?

Now watch her silently,
As she staggers and falls,
Now watch her silently,
As she crawls.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Lauren Waszkiewicz

    Ok Overall good poem. =]

    Few Errors/Suggestions,.

    And have you ever tried to help,
    Her lone and broken hert,*Heart*
    And have you ever tried to help,
    Get her to the start?(-this line makes no sense to me... sorry)

    And have you ever seen,
    How much her heart can take?
    *i think it'd sound better as can't, not can*

    But can't find her way,
    She tried*tries?.. (unless thats foreshadowing..)* to live,
    Everyday.

    Lastly- ithink the ending couldve been more dreamatic. ithinkthat makeing the last line a little longer and more detailed. it would make it atleast alittle better..

    Over all great poem. i loved the story, imagery, and repetition. the tone was wicked cool it reminded me of one of my poems.

    Keep it Up.

    5|5

    x3

    x.x:Lauren

  • 17 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I liked this, i didnt love it, i wont lie and say it was awesome, it wasnt. But it was very good, the title seemed too blunt. I thought it was pretty good.
    xxxxxxxx

  • 18 years ago

    by BrokenMisery

    This is a good poem but i wouldnt say neccesarily lyrics. Its got basic concepts but they match your ideas and the structure was well done. Good use of grammar, and my only advice I can think of is to move outside the box and create some new ideas and explore them.
    Good Work.
    Peace

  • 18 years ago

    by mt_♥

    As always i loved iit, I really like all Your poetry you really know how to write.U have a talent kid keep writing:*
    takee care:*

    joliee

  • 18 years ago

    by Katrina Boblina

    Did you make this ureself? It's amazing!!! great job and its an awesome, awesome poem!

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