Don't want.

No.
don't want this.
why?
don't want this.
too much.
don't want it.
i'm alone.
so many people aren't alone.
i need someone.
other people have someone.
why don't i have someone?
i need someone.
too much pain.
need someone.
everyone else has someone.
why not me?
no.
do i deserve someone?
what is God's plan?
i know he's there.
i know he is.
buy why do i feel this?
why must pain be involved?
EVERYONE ELSE HAS SOMEONE.
why don't i?
why do i feel something for every female that becomes a friend?
why can't i just be content?
why do i hurt so easily?
why do i allow myself to get hurt?
why can't i put up some walls and protect myself?
I've written about isolation before.
but never meant it.
now?
maybe.
the pain would still be there.
but a different pain.
that way my heart would be dead.
instead of being ripped out of my body time and time again.
isolation.
a different kind of pain.
a better one.

pain has not killed me.
not yet.
but maybe soon.
i am not suicidal.
don't think i ever will be.
but I'm almost ready to give up.
why try?
why do i care for others so much?
they all care for me.
but not in the way i care for them.
it seems i always care differently.
i always care more.
all the feelings... biting through and stinging.
no.
don't want this.
why?
don't want this.
too much.
don't want it.
i'm alone.
EVERYONE ELSE HAS SOMEONE.
why don't i?
i'm alone.