Here but not near

I'm living in hell right now, because I refuse to bow. I told myself that I couldn't be yours, so I have heartache seeping from my pores. Jungle gyms and lollipops are apart of my shadowed past, my hearts ocean is no longer blue and vast.
"Parting is such sweet sorrow," as Shakespeare once has said, yet I still have to find the energy to get out of bed. My heart is torn between this or that, the real me doesn't wear a smile produced by Baby Phat.
You don't know who I really am, do you really believe my feelings to be a sham? The bolted floodgates rush forward from my eyes. I can no longer scan the skies, scan the skies. These hurtful words come to me. These useless words can't be thrown to the sea. I don't know how you expect me to be. I refuse to be your little trophy.