Torture

I never thought I could cause myself so much pain
Sometimes I just think that I'm going to go insane

It's like there is something inside of me forcing this upon me, something my body can't restrain
It just won't stop its like, its like, well it's not easy to explain

Have you ever thought about doing something that you really wanted to do?
But you were too nervous to do it or you were afraid of what results would present themselves to you

So instead of doing it you just think about it
Then you find yourself thinking about it everyday and you just can't quit

You start imagining different outcomes if you were to go through with what you thought about that were both positive and negative
You even flip it around or change something about the thought so that it's more performative

But no matter how many times this thought comes to mind you never put it to action
And you realize that you will never experience that feeling of satisfaction

As time goes on you begin to wonder has your actions of doing nothing affected anyone that you may know
When that happens, your thoughts really begin to pace to and fro

You then feel that you should apologize for what you've done
And you\'re not even sure if you really caused a problem with anyone

All I know is that you become obsessed with your thoughts
These thoughts freely pass through your mind as abusive taunts

They never really go away
They may seem to leave temporarily but it's really just a short delay

Days, weeks, and months past and everything is still the same
Except your life situations has made things worse by adding to the flame