Getting over drugs

This is still hard and i don't know if i can go through
Breaking the addictions that i once knew

I sit here screaming lyrics when I'm mad
Because the razor is gone, i don't want my anger to go bad

The painkillers are gone, where are they?
Not in my pocket, not today

All the pills are away from me
The table is clear from crushed ones obviously

The pot and weed seeds aren't in my hood pocket no more
It doesn't smell like a crack house here anymore :)

I'm trying to hard not to hurt myself too
But it's so hard changing everything that you use to do

And I'm stopping this all at once now
And it's so hard but I'm figuring out how

It's killing me so much and i am not sure why
But i won't give up, i promise i will try

I think of my friends, they want me to stop too
I need to get this done and follow through

I don't want to disappoint anybody else no more
Especially Jen, i don't know why she still messages me for

I thought nobody would want anything to do with me
but she wants me to say I'm alright, and i want to honestly

I don't want to disappoint her because it would give me so much guilt
Because i was fine when she was here, so much sturdiness she helped built

And i don't want her to see me high or drunk or anything
I want to be off of everything

I could never disappoint someone like her....ever
But if she wants me to know about drugs...should i lie? never

I'll tell her what i do if she wants to know
But I'm in withdrawal, I'm giving it a go

I got to stay strong, i got to hold on
I can't give up when I'm getting into this too long

I CAN live without these things, i keep telling myself
I can get through it, time will only tell

If i keep doing this I'll end up dead...
I think I'm listening to the hard facts that I've said