The Green Exit

This place, this
hole, this jump-start
to my ruin.

My reverence holds
me here, while
misery and hopelessness
abound. I dig myself
deeper, and deeper
and deeper still.

Escape is a painfully
humorous thought,
bringing both quivering
lips and half-cracked smiles.

Failed attempts at
finding my other
half seem to resonate
along with everything
else that brings me down.
This hole, now a chasm.

But still I stubbornly
go searching, my only
true guide is my loneliness.

Boring deeper is the
only norm, attempting
to cope with mediocrity
is my only choice.

My only release is
temporary, though
it seems to last forever.
Still it brings me deeper still.
This pit is now bottomless,
no reason to burrow any
further, it grows
naturally. A sort of
torment auto-pilot.

Yet, recreation turns
to fascination turns
to constitution. My
worst enemy staring
back through the mirror.

What I had once hated
now dwells inside me.
My element slowly
swallowing me whole.

What makes me feel
so alive is ironically
killing me slowly, pleasantly,
painfully, very passionately.

What I thought couldn't
get any worse now rears
an even uglier head.
More dismay, more tears,
more downfalls.

The only constant is
my desolation, becoming
painfully concrete,
yet none-the-less
never misleading.
My best and worst friend.

I should have noticed
that brilliant, green light
before I locked the door
behind me, before
I took that first step,
that first giant leap,
that first hit.

This exit, so illusory,
bringing me up just to
let me down, deeper
into this place I now
call my home. My
home-sweet-grave.

I've made my bed,
and now i'll die in it.