Impression

I have too many thoughts and emotions running through my mind..
so many, that i cannot tell what is right and what is wrong..

everyone is always saying how im always smiling
and how i don\'t have a worry in the world.

well let me tell you that that is far from true.
the only difference between me and the screwed people around me,
is that they can\'t control their feelings.. they\'re always having to say something to someone
about how \"depressed\" they are.
i, on the other hand, keep my emotions and feelings, locked up in a place deep within my tested soul.

i dont think its fair, pouring your guts out, to innocent people,
who might say they want to know,
but really dont?

yeah.. i was one of them.. i probabli still am one of them.. i always have to know what\'s happening,
in everyone\'s life.. and although i tell myself that i dont want to know.. and that their stories will just make me worse,
i still make them tell me.. cos i feel that\'s what a friend should do.

no one knows just how screwed i really am.. im too good at lying.. too good at faking a smile.
and i hate it.. i hate what its turning me into.. i hate it because it\'s making me do things i was so against only months ago.
but i can\'t get rid of it.. because it\'s become me.

usually, once i have encountered yet another problem like this, i can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
i can see hope and i know that everything will be alright.
this time, i think i am in too deep.. so deep, that no one can save me.. no one but me.
but i have to have the will power to do so.. and i dont.
so here i am, writing sad poetry,
here i am, waiting..
waiting for the day, where i am free..
waiting for the day where i can finally be happy..
waiting for the day, when i can say, im ok.