Im still sad

On the outside im all cheers,
and yet im full of tears,
all the feelings i dont show,
they still grow,
and every night when no ones looking,
im under my pillow shedding my tears,
all those memories and all those tears,
i try and wash them away,
but they dont go,
please leave me,
all my crying has no effect on anyone,
is anyone there,
to be my shoulder,
to be my strength,
im in a dark hole,
trying to relieve this soul,
please hear my cry,
before i die.