An Understanding.

Once again i write, just hoping to ease this pain
develop an understanding, and try to love again
for every bit of ink that drops, my heart begins to cry
and every word I write, is hopelessly wondering why
I learned that I'm depressed, a sad dark soul
my writing is all I have, to heal this gaping hole
I know it's not that good, but really what can I say
I'm not much of a talented person, hurting everyday.
I think I have the answers, truth is I'm really lost.
and every time I try to understand, it comes at a pricey cost.
I've lost my first love, and I'm pretty much the blame.
this was the punishment I got, for taking love as a game.
I've asked to be forgiven, but even that I don't deserve.
I'll just live my life in the past, when I spent my days with her.
I may not love again, I shouldn't even have a heart.
I'm putting it to no use, I'm just ripping lives apart.
I know I'm suicidal, that just makes them hate me more.
But even though I can't feel, my heart is being torn.
I hold everything inside, I feel it's the best that I can do.
Its better to live my life pretending, where no one has a clue.
I back inside my corner, and pray I'll smile at last.
then I wake and then I sigh, and do I what I do best
So once again I write, and it still hasn't eased the pain
but I deserve to be understood, I deserve to love again.