Never Will I...

You see me as a hassle
Sometimes you don't see me at all
And it seems that you hang up the phone
Whenever I try to call

Then you tell me things
That I don't want to know
But I hold onto your secrets
Like I'll never let them go.

I'm sorry, Mommy, to tell you,
That I know I'm not the perfect child
I bled myself for stupid reasons
But the pain in my head was wild.

You tell me that we're the same
But that really is not true
Mommy, dearest, I just have to say
That no one hurts me quite like you.

Never will I hold a gun to my head
So that my children will see
My life being ended by myself
I will not scare them like you scare me.

I will never let my husband touch her
Or watch my child when he's jaded
Never will I critisize her for who she is
Because I, too, am underestimated.

On days when I'm hurting,
Never will I corner her with screams.
I will not haunt her like you haunt me,
Like a whisper of pain in my dreams.

And when my child is hurting,
And losing herself to someone else,
I will not twist the knife by telling her
That she reminds me of myself.

Never, under any circumstance in life,
Will I ever take money from her Christmas tree
To fix myself on drugs, to escape reality
And leaver her behind like you left me.

More importantly, and most of all,
I will never let her see
Her family crying, slowly dying
The way that you let me.

Mommy, we couldn't be more different
You watch your daughter choking.
If I were you and you were me
The last thing I'd be doing is smoking.

Let me say it one more time,
Because it really is quite true,
Never will I lose my child
The way that I lost you.