What is wrong with me

I can't seem to love myself
No one can love me so it's OK
I have mood swings; happy then sad
I take aspirin, until I'm numb
I carve things in my skin, stars, names...
I scratch, and watch the skin get off
I don't enjoy the pain
So why do I do it?
I want everything to come to an end
But would anyone care?
But just remember:
I don't cut I carve
I don't have the guts to cut
I'm not trying to kill myself with the aspirin
I'm numbing
I want to punch the wall
Then again I don't have the guts
The pillow takes it
I want to scream
But I don't want anyone to hear
So I cry silently and wait till I fall asleep
No one can understand me
Neither can I