Why cant i be like i used to be?

You could have never guessed
that person in the mirror was me
im such a mess just going day by day
i dont see a reason in living any longer

i used to be happy
always smiling and there for my friends
now i push them away and try to hide
from this monster ive become

i remember once on my birthday
when my family was hole
and they loved me
before all this stuff happened

my own father doesnt see
that him sleeping with a man
killed me inside
this person isnt me, he killed that old me

he used to help me through stuff
when ever times were tough
a hand to lend but now
it would just be smacked across my face

he doesnt see that all this is his fault
my mom made him leave with his boyfriend
and he moved states away
i never see him any more not that i want to

i felt so empty
thats when i started drinking
it took the pain away
it took me to a different world for a few hours

i felt hurt
so i started hurting myself
the cuts and scars up my arms
unable to even be counted

i didnt know what to do
i thought drinking and cutting would help
but it didnt
not the way iwanted it to

that was when i started smoking and doing drugs
it helped to know maybe if you found out
you would talk to me
look me in the eye

but you are to ashamed of this thing
your daughter
so you ran away
and left me alone

im sorry to say that cause of that
i only have one chose
and even though it will hurt some i love
i must kill myself