Trying to find hope

I don't understand
The meaning of life
There is nothing in my hand
And i don't know what is right

If i could leave this place tonight
And never look back
I'd take the next flight
Or jump on the closest track

With every memory
There is a following scar
Dealing with this pain thats "temporary"
I'm surprised i came this far

I use to plan this out
Of how i wanted to leave
When i was stuck in the middle of doubt
And too lazy to even believe...

That hope is out there
And it is waiting for me
And i know life's not fair
And it will never ever be

I took the cheater's way
And unhooked this ball and chain
I'm still not OK
But its just easier than dealing with pain

And the scar is ME
And I've made my mark
Now that i WANT to see...
My world has gone too dark

I still cut when i tell myself no
It's an addiction every time
The satisfaction you'll never know
But you can't stop this on the dime

...

And now my thoughts changed
And i want to be myself again
Quickly my world rearranged
I want this addiction to become an end

I have plans for my future
I want to make it out alive
My vision is now a blur
Truly, i want to survive

Hope... please find me
I've been waiting for a while
Let me know where you are
I'll walk the extra mile

My eyes are starting to tear
I'm thinking way too much...
I just wish that some hope was near
Or close enough that i can touch