Distracted

I stare at the muddled words written on the page
Absent minded, I tap my pen as I try hard to engage,
Watching the clock as it happily ticks, for me it will not wait
My wandering mind floats softly into a delusional state.

I look around at the others, pens fly and paper turns
Inside my distracted mind, pain screams and anger burns,
I can't focus on the paper, when I'm struggling with each breath
When my mind swims with sadness, and darkening thoughts of death.

Memories flash before my eyes, reality dips in and out,
I have to resist the crazy urge to just stand up and shout,
The exam is not what worries me, diverting my thoughts from the scene,
It's the horror running through my brain, which makes me want to scream.

I wonder if there's anyone else who can really understand
Exactly what I'm going through, in my messed up little land,
How long can I keep on running, and hiding from this pain,
How many minutes left till I will hurt myself again?