Losing you

Awww, This is so sad =[ Im so sorry about your friend. I hope your okay and stuffs now!

Well so far, I have read a few of your poems and this one is my favourite. It's an important topic to be written, and I'm glad that you did it the way you did, as the emotion brought about the pain of what can happen. The outcome of drunk driving is never a good thing, and I hope one way or another people learn that.

However, with that being said, there is one line I just couldn't forget, because it completely disconnected me from the poem - and it was at the very beginning?!?! I can't stress this enough, but it just sounds so forced and like it doesn't belong there:

I have lost you forever, you're never coming back,
For the good things you do, I clap.

I didn't want to just bash your work and not try to help, so I have come up with a different line that maybe you would like? (And if you don't like it, or don't want to change your poetry, that's perfectly understandable. It's your poem, and poets write for themselves not others right? So don't be afraid to disregard my two cents - I just felt I wanted to share it)

I have lost you forever, you're never coming back,
The world may spin, but your presence it lacks.

or something to that affect anyway. There's so many different ways you could say that, and so many different ways you could use the word 'lack' instead of 'clap'. I hope you don't take any of this personally, as I really did think you did a good write. I enjoyed it, and was very glad to see that you could send this message. Good job :)

Awww

i remember you telling me about a friend who died in a car accident. =(

i'm sorry, hun. *hugs*

stay strong, and keep your head up.

Britt-Knee

I LIKE THIS! i can relate