Dedicated To My Dearest

It seems in a few spots you have some forced rhymes…which most of the time takes away from the overall message and flow of the poem. When you flip around words in a sentence just to make the last word rhyme with the previous line it only hurts your writing. I think that is what you did to a few lines…however; I can make some SUGGESTIONS to help you out…or I can at least TRY.

Also I will say that the first stanza doesn’t seem complete. In my opinion your stanzas should be equal in length UNLESS you have a fluctuating format throughout the entire poem which you did not. I’ve read many poems that had one stanza different from the rest and they were great but in my own personal writing I do not do that. I guess it’s a personal preference…so I suppose that’s not doing you much good…lol

Some lines in the poem seem too long as well. That’s easy to fix…all you need to do is rearrange some words…maybe a delete a few.

Ok to start…

The first stanza: I DO understand WHY you started the poem like this BUT I think if the FIRST two lines stated something more in detail about your troubles expressing your feelings it would send your message across more clearly. Maybe adding how you’ve tried or how bad you’d like to…I don’t know, something a little extra. I LOVE those two lines though…I think they start the poem off nicely!

Second stanza: Maybe making the second line a little more PERSONAL…like “and before long I was falling in love with you” I think it has a ring to it. – the rest of it is good. I like the last line, it closes that stanza nicely.

Third stanza: In the second line I thought maybe doing something like “consume each day” would flow nicely as the rhyme does NOT have to be EXACT. It seems you wrote it the way you did so it would be EXACT…or just adding OF would do the trick as well…”consume all of my days.” In the third line is where your forced rhyme started. I don’t want to rewrite your poem so I’ll just say that maybe you should think about working on the third and fourth line in this stanza because both lines seem a bit forced. If you would want further help I’d be more than happy to give some more suggestions.

Fourth stanza: In the first line I don’t think the word strong is really necessary. I think “we’ve stood by each other’s side” is affective enough. Again the second line seems forced to rhyme with the first. Saying something as simple as “my dream is for our lives together to begin” would complete the thought. Again you close this stanza nicely!

Last stanza: First and second line seem really forced in this one. “I appreciate your patience in these life long decisions” – “Since the start of our relationship I’ve had this wonderful vision” – (SUGGESTIONS! I’m NOT saying CHANGE IT!!) But ALSO in this one I LOVE the way you closed it…not too dramatic but very ‘TO THE POINT’ – NICE! One more small detail…tender, love, and care…don’t forget your commas.

I really enjoyed reading this poem and giving my suggestions...thanks! Nice write...talk to you soon in CC&P!!!!

Its like you wrote from the bottom of MY OWN heart...I can identify with this sooo much. I'd choose a favorte stanza, but I loved all of them...so much love in this. definitely one of my favorite love poems i've ever read...keep it up

Very heartfelt and filled with love..... written beautifully.

Smiles, Hugs and Love, Angela