Answers I've got...?

'What right do I have...
To be angry? To hate?
To envy friends living untainted,
I deserve this vegetative state...!

So many friends of mine,
cut, hurt, try suicides,
they are hurt and they cope'
to myself, I tell these lies.

I know that no one deserves, not at all,
this state, this confusion, this life that cant go far,
but I cant help wondering, just a little bit,
if its my fault things are the way they are?

Life? What is this thing we crave?
Like an addiction, dare not be parted!
Do we fear there is not afterlife?
Or that our 'hell' will just get started???

I think we fear most the truth,
judgment, realizing we lack such a lot,
I hate to question, the answers I fear,
when so many answers, I have already got...