No pain any more

by XcrissyX   Feb 17, 2006


I can't believe they do this to her,
they whip her they kick her,
they make her suffer,
If she cries she gets the Kain,
although she smiles she feels the pain,
she cries in her pillow,
hoping no one can hear her,
because if they could,
they would beat her,
look what you have done,
i hope you are proud,
look what you created,
all this hurt and devastation,
just tell me how it feels,
when your own daughter is scared of you,
imagine how it feels,
all the pain that she conceals,
every night she tries something else,
something which would make you and her like herself,
in the end she gave up,
she sat sat on the floor and glared at a knife,
she looked at her wrist,
then back again,
and wondered what would happen if she tried this,
she decided it was for the best,
as her sadness would end,
even though you treated her bad ,
she did this for you her mum and her dad,
blood dripped from her wrist to the floor,
she said her last words,
no pain anymore,
her mum came in,
and saw her dead,
she didn't care,
oh well she said,
she went down stairs and told the dad,
he replied thats not bad,
learn from this story,
i say no lie,
this happens to people,
then they want to die.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    *stunning ending.

  • 16 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    I loved the emotion and depth in this piece. i thought at times the flow seemed somewhat shaky but that could have been because some parts rhymed and some didn't. i noticed you used alot of fillers in this (I, you, the, and etc) try eliminating some of those and you'll find that the flow greatly improves. i liked the imagery you used in this, it created very vivid pictures in my mind. my favourite part was the last line, i found it to hold so much power and it made for a running ending.

  • 16 years ago

    by Fluffy

    An effective piece with satisfactory use of imagery and rhyme. In order to improve, take into account the following.
    Your rhyming scheme is pretty simple, and there's nothing wrong with that. However, you can vary some of the words you've employed a number of times, such as 'bad', ‘dad’ – and so on. Even if your poem is one that rhymes, it isn’t necessary that every line has to rhyme (sometimes its effective either way). I'm honestly not the greatest fan of 'cutting' poems, but that doesn't mean you have to change the topic of this piece. Your use of appropriate grammar is poor; look back at the sentences that should either have a full stop, semi colon, or comma at the end.
    Nevertheless, you have implemented good vocabulary into this piece - just look at my suggestions for improvement and perhaps you'll increase the standards of this poem.

    I hope this helps :) x

  • 16 years ago

    by Internal Hatred

    Great poem, well done.

  • 16 years ago

    by chind

    Ohh wow this is such a sad yet good poem
    how could a parent do that thats so wrong =[
    theres so much emotion in there and it really touched me
    just thought id point out

    she sat sat on the floor and glared at a knife,

    you used the word sat twice.
    unless it was supposed to be there lol

    xo.louiii

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