My death

Great poem, The ending was actually pretty good, Really imaginative! 5/5 i loved it ! =]

- natz x0x

Hey thats really good! & the ending wasnt bad. 5/5

Spelling*** not ending sorry.. gah

Oh, and about the ending, you might just want to go through, reread ur poem, to make sure you dont have any spelling, or gramatical errors! that way you dont get 50billion comments on the same mistake.

You said you had a few problems with the ending, so i thought i might be able to help...lets start with spelling...u put saints...which i sure is meant to be satin...um...and a little something to help the flow! I tell this to alot of people, because most people dont really understand..but i'm sure, that you know, when you read poetry, you come to natural pauses, and those pauses usually happen at the end of a line. "How do i know where to put a pause?" is a question that might come to mind, usualy they just happen as you write them, when you start a new thought, punctuation, and at the end of a stanza. But to help you fix your end, we are going to concentrate on the pause that starts with a new thought. Sometimes, you dont really know when that thought would start, becuase it is all sumhow connected, thru an idea. To me..this is the hardest to explain...so i thought i could just show you...

for you...you have...

into nothing dark and black
as i lay here cold and blank
i feel the gates of Hell open
i take saints hand and walk with him.

Now i hope this makes sence...but...this is how i would start the new "thought"

into nothing
dark and black
as i lay here
cold and blank
i feel the gates of Hell open
i take saints hand
and walk with him.

So...if that helps...yay! if it doesn't, sorry that i'm a giant loser! lol but otherwise, this poem was very emotional, and very descriptive. 4/5