The Ignorance of friends..

Sure im smiling
and i have been all day
but look beneath the surface...

if you could see inside me
you would have nightmares
nothing compares
to the world falling apart inside me
I want to die
just to lie
face down
on the ground
til im sent to that castle in the sky
but theyll probably send me down to hell
when they see
that finally, its me
i just wish someone understood
and looked past the smile
to see the REAL me
the torn and tired and broken me
they\'re supposed to be my friends
stick by me through thick and thin
but how can they help me
if they cant see what i feel within
i cant even start to explain it
i dont know where to begin
all i know is i want it to end
the hurt
the fact that no one else sees how i feel
the lonliness
this wound that just won't heal
i want it to end now!
why cant someone shoot me?
maybe i could run into traffic
would my mutilated body make them sick?
would they care?
probably not..
my corpse would be tossed aside
then left to rot
i wish there was someone out there
to release me from these shackles
and set me free
like ive always wanted to be
i want to feel safe
and not have to constantly watch my back
i want to feel trust again
even after all the times my trust has been broken
but no matter how much i hope
and pray
and plead
and cry
deep inside,
i know its a waste to try..
dont you dare tell me not to worry
or say id be much prettier if i would smile
even if only for a little while
you dont know what its like..
if only you knew..
had even the slightest clue
what its like to wake up
wishing that you hadnt
dreading the thought of living
going through the day
pretending your life is actually ok
til you can get home to your room
and cry yourself to sleep
waiting all day just to get home
so alone
you can lay and weep
why cant anyone see how unhappy i am?

i thought they'd be able to see right through me,
its just so obviously clear
but then, like a sledgehammer it hits me..
they have absolutely no idea...