Please Don't Hide

by **Just Her**   Jan 18, 2004


I watch you from the corner of my eye
You hold a smile, but behind is a lie
You comfort all of your friends
You wish there pain would end
But when inside you’re the one dying
Wishing to open up, sorry for not trying
Lying to the people who care
Telling them that you’ll always be there
That you can always help, because you’re so strong
When the truth is you’ve held in tears for so long
I want to run out to you, hold you
Talk about your problems and help you get through
Because I know that deep down you need someone
Someone who will listen, even when all the pain is done
I’ll always be around, and always here
I’ll be ready when you come to me with tears

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  • 17 years ago

    by Bret Higgins

    The idea is strong and so is most of the poem. the ending is solid and works nicely but it needs a little tweaking to make it a finished article.

    An edit to erase the questionmark error is needed as well as the addition of even punctuation to make the reader pause and think in places to reflect on your message.

    I know most teens refuse to use punctuation but it's the best tool a poet has to guide a reader through their work.

    Wishing to open up I would change to Wishing you would open up. This gives the line more impetus and strength.

    look at the whole poem carefully and see where there areas like this (and there are a few) you can uild on to make the reader delve deeper into the thoughts you are transmitting.

    Bret

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