Wanting to so bad

Wanting to just take the blade
Put it to my wrist and just push
Till I have no more blood in my vein
Everything isnt working out
I dont want to do it but its the only way
The only way to get through the pain that I am going through
Only two people can stop me and I dont want to be stopped
I need this to happen
I need to do it
Im not ready to go back
Im not ready to go back to where I once was
I dont want to be a brand new person
I like what I have become
But I know its not me
I know its not what I need to be
I need to help others
Im not going to get anywhere if I dont stop now
I will eventually get there
It will just take time
And effort that I guess I am willing to give to an extent
I want everyone proud of me