Some nights

Some nights
You stay up writing poetry and dreaming of the things you wish you were
And some nights you write song lyrics to the rhythmic moaning
And some night you donate blood to the sink for fear that the darkness would swallow whatever you left behind
And some night you look down the barrel of a loaded 45 and pray for the strength you need to keep your finger from twitching the ¼ inch that is left of life.
And some nights you smile
Because you know that you and I look up at the same night sky and say,
As dark as that will be, the stars bring it enough optimism to say I�ll do it again tomorrow
You are my stellar constellations and my whole damn Milky Way,
Because without you the pitch black my nights would be would scare Helen Keller.
You shine with a resilience I wish with everything I know
That I could possess,
And every single night I dream of you, because I know you do not think of me
I am afraid that if I said your name God might get angry and sick that forsaken flame on me again and scorch my soul with the same animosity he did last time just for touching something so close to perfection
But as determined as it seems life is to take you away from me,
You�re never going to make it baby
I am the gold medalist in this marathon and I will blood dope for a year to get back to you
You will never see a foolish persistence like this anywhere
I am like a kid with a question that should not be answered
Only twice as annoying and five time more inquisitive
But this is not a question it is a statement
I am here
No
I am breathing
No
I exist because you told me it was okay to do so
And that when the ink hit the page I had something to say that no one else did
And you broke through my walls
And took down my barricades
Cracked that shell like a soft walnut and stopped the faucets in my eyes with a hammer
And they do not even drip anymore
Yet through the pounding, I felt safe for a moment
I was hooked; it was more potent than heroin and twice as quick
I prayed for more, you answered, in small almost teasing doses
You visit me in my dreams
Whenever I have the seldom time to make it there
You grant me peace in a world I am sure could use some
But I am a greedy man
And I swear to you, some nights
I could say
With a certainty that rivals the scholars of today�s world
And more with innovation than sliced bread
With more precision that a laser-guided death bringer
And more intensity than me on the days we both know are bad
That I have
And will always
Love you
Some nights, I can�t see the light, cause you are in the way
And some nights make the dawn look tacky
Some nights I wish I had never been born
And others that I was born again
But every day
I vow to show you
That I was in your eyes
After that, no one can ever wake me up.

But maybe, I do not want to
Maybe now that I am asleep
The world seems so much colder than
This blanket of skin I have next to me
Enveloping the things I dream I can be
Maybe sometimes I wish life was like the Matrix
And all you had to do was believe and you could
And then maybe we could unhook ourselves from
This machine so people would not need to prove
Their point
With a gun
And maybe you are the only pill that can treat
This cancer we call life
And so maybe I should let you go
So others can be salvaged from the wreck we
Discovered ourselves in
Then I remember,
I am a greedy man
And some nights
If my dreams came true, everyone would be living
A nightmare on rewind in
Slow motion
Because they did not have the cure
But some nights
When I am not so blind to everything that is real
And stuck behind things which will never be
Some nights
When I can stop the pounding in my head
I see you
And that is why I exist.