Dear God

Dear God,
Answer me this:
Why is my life such an injustice?!
I jump from joy one day,
Depressed the next.
I've stopped praying,
can't stop saying
Curses and lies.
Do you watch my life in utter amazement?
Wondering how can i go on?
my defenses go up when pastors preach about your son.
Helping comes naturally to me,
The stress of it all unfurls on my soul.
most times i forget to breathe.
Pain is whipping my core.
Just how they struck your back,
Hands are bound.
Do they still burn?
Life is hard to walk through,
Can your feet even touch the ground?
When i sing or speak about you,
My heart breaks imagining you weeping.
Evil did that to you,
Tortured then killed,
my reflection flashes.
What i have become,
Words and influences,
Said to cut and to think thoughts of suicide.
To always percieve sadness.
i have damaged one of your children.
Infact Lord; i'm still hurting.
I'm writing this for me,
and to ask a question of you;
"Will you forgive my sins,and bless me with your eternal bliss."