To the mother who hates me:

Do I make it
Too difficult for you?
Is that why you
Have never been able to love me?

I'm not perfect
I've never tried to be.
All I've ever wanted
Was to shine in your eyes.

You look at me like white trash,
When I'm only what you made me.
And even if I tried to change,
It still wouldn't change the way you look at me.

You point out
My faults and imperfect spots,
And you throw them in my face
Every chance you get.

You accuse me of doing drugs
When I have enough problems without them.
You think I'm doing the wrong things
When really I'm just trying to succeed.

I know I'm fat.
I feel the jelly roles every day.
I see the looks on people's faces,
So why must you repeat it so often?

Do you think it helps?
I know I have problems!
I know you don't love me!
Can't you see, you're why I'm like this?

Why am I stubborn?
Because I don't want you
To feel glorious over me.
I will not give in!

Why don't I listen to you?
Because I've learned
To block out your humiliation
Before its thrown at me.

You say you know why
I have no friends
You think it's because of
Why you don't love me.

I've learned to live
With no one at my side
I can keep on living
Because I know nothing will change.

I know how to be alone
Yeah, it hurts like hell,
But it hurts a LOT more
Whenever you're around.

Quit looking at me like trash,
Quit looking at me like a slob,
Just quit looking at me
And start looking at yourself!

YOU are why I am
The way that I am
And you are the reason
Why I'm holding this knife in my hand.

Maybe the plunge of this long blade
Into my lung
Will finally make you see:
Maybe, just maybe, you love me.