Victimized

All I remeber is laying there,
Not being able to move.
I was so weak and confused,
I didn't know what to do.
Being so young,
I couldn't get him to stop.
I was way to scared.
I couldn't get him to get off.
Now that I have told,
It still seems as though no one understands.
My mom doesn't know what to do.
She just tried to give me a helping hand.
My therapist has no clue,
How I actually feel about it all.
I feel so victimized.
I was his little pleasure doll.
He didn't think about the future,
How this was going to affect me in life.
This has caused so much misery.
It has caused so much strife.
I don't even think my brother understands,
And he is the one who caused me this pain.
It feels like I am stuck in this glass box
And outside it only rains.
I feel so dirty.
I feel as if I could have stop it all.
Maybe if I would have told when it first happened,
Happiness wouldn't be stuck behind a huge brick wall.
I just want to go back in time,
And prevent all of this.
So then I can live happily,
Because these nightmares I would never miss.