During it...

I sit here alone
In the dark, by myself
I clutch my wrist, screaming
Why do I torture myself?

I cry and I shake
I pray and I yell
I want it to end
But I'm already in heck

Maybe life will get better
Maybe I'll find something to live for
Maybe death is better than life
I think I know, deep down in my core

Some call me selfish
Heck, I even got called emo today
I say f off
One day you'll pay

I pull my wrist away
It's almost like an addiction
I wanna stop so bad
But I still think of knives in the kitchen...

The blood is stopping
But I won't clean it
Who cares what others think
Apparently I'm just a blond half-wit

I'll just hide my blade away for now
Locked away behind bars
I'll turn away and hide the blood
But I can't wish away my scars

They're constant reminders
Of the voices that have won
Of the voices that scream at me
Of the nothing I've become

I'll walk to my dreaded mirror
And look into my eyes
Until I bring my fist to it
Shattering the lies

It's all your fault!
Of course you came in second!
You were never truly loved!
You will never be accepted!

They yell and they sneer
Making me collapse and cry
I know that they're right
They're the reasons I lie

I'm screaming and crying
I'm tired of being ignored
No one hears and no one cares
So I pray "Please help me, L*rd!"

But again I'm greeted only by silence
I'll crawl into bed
Knowing I'll repeat the process
Forgetting all the good things anyone has ever said...