Loved By Hate

To hate someone this much
Is it normal?
To feel suspended between leaving and going
I thought I had control over the wheel
How wrong I was
Why did you yank the away form my unwilling hands?
Can I do nothing right you ask
Why can't I put the car in neutral and coast through life?
Or at least choose my own path
Oh, I remember now
Because you are still here next to me
Without out you my life wouldn't be perfect it's true
But at least I will be without you
Why would your children want to move away and not stay with you in your old age?
Let's ponder that

Your words cut like a knife and leave me feeling ripped apart
Laying on the floor choking on my own wet tears
Like I could even breath normally again if I wanted to
You'd just cut me again anyway
Like you've always cut me before
You can't leave imperfection alone
I feel so alone
I can't have a bad day, because then what would you say?
The usual I bet
The part where everything is my fault
You are right and I'm always wrong
The part in the play I truly play
The donkey being led by a string

You think I'm an idiot
But my brother does worse then me in school
Yet you say he is smarter then me
I could always try harder you say
Be an honor roll student!
My brother passes his classes, so let's go out and celebrate!
But if he doesn't then I'll yell at him instead of you today, I hear
But the only thing I want to hear you say is: You're good enough the way you are, even when you make mistakes I will love you anyway
But these are the words I will never hear you utter
So I just have to close my ears to the ruckus
Turn my music up loud and try to drown out the sound
Of your screaming or telling the rest of the family what you really think about me and everything I do
But talk loud enough so I can hear you too, from the next room

Maybe you should go see a psychiatrist for your sanity and mine too
But I could never express these things to you
It would fall on deaf ears
And all I would get out of it is more yelling
And more tears
Nothing solved
Until next time I will pretend everything is fine.

Please comment! :)