Through My Mother's Eyes

by UnderAge Dying   Jun 20, 2006


~This Is Pretty Much About My Personal Realization About How Much I Hurt My Mother And How Much OF a B* I Am To Her. God She Deserves Someone So Much Better~

so finally i realize
what you see
behind your eyes

I'm sorry I'm so selfish
its true.
it must KILL you
to realize how much
i have changed and
how I'm going down this road
I'm so sorry mom.

i don't really want to die,
i want you to know that.
deep down i just want
to be 6 again and be happy

i want to be the little girl that you loved
the little girl
that would never leave your side
you are still my hero.

now i know why the cutting
was such a big deal
to see your one and
only daughter suffering
and hating herself so much
that she mutilated her body

and now i realize why there is
so much pain in your eyes
every time i say I'm not hungry
because I'm going down that
path to bulimia
and i realize now how much
pain i cause you
and how guilty i should feel
you don't deserve any of this
the only thing you're trying to do is
love ME, no matter who i am
you're always trying to just love me.
oh god I'm sorry.

I am SO sorry for
what i do to you mom
i don't know how to stop
theres something
inside of me that
has the greatest
amount of hate ever
and its not for you
its more than any
teenager should have
and it hurts inside
it hurts trying to deal
with him leaving
and trying to deal with
having the biggest hate for
myself.

i cant go back on those pills,
they make me go even more
insane and i cant gain all that
weight back because so far
its taken me this long to lose only about 1/6th of it.

oh god i don't want to lose you
no matter how much i say
i hate you or cant stand you
i love you and my little brother more than
anything else, especially myself

god i am a failure.

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Latest Comments

  • 18 years ago

    by Blood Angel

    Wow. If that can cover it. The style you use it amazing by far. You really capture the emotion in the poem. the feeling. the enviroment. And that's what makes a good poet. 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by angelina

    Aww sooo sad i can REALLY relate ... u should read my poem

    mommy, you have gone to far this time

    also i have another one about my mom i am writing today it should b posted soon so you can check in on that if you wish

    i just want to say that you cant really love any one else untill you love yourself and when you do those things (( i do them too)) it just hurts the person that you love more and more

  • 19 years ago

    by Shae

    Good poem. I'm sorry your going through this. But your NOT a failure. NO ONE is!! I use to feel like a failure and like I shouldn't of ever been born all the time. Well, I've realized I wasn't a failure...

  • 19 years ago

    by Jackie Marie

    THIS is the sort of stuff that makes a good poem. When you actually put how you FEEL. Excellent. I love it hun. It is full of so much pain and full of raw emotion. I love it hunn. =]

    >black&&blue

  • 19 years ago

    by ScarletTears

    Beautiful.

    Simply beautiful. And I loved it so much. You are definitely not a failure, either.

    There are so many people who look up to you, and not because you're a a failure, but because they care so much about you.

    I heart you.

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