Life

As my life began in a hospital bed,
Mother's arms clutching me, her hand cradling my head,
How could I know what life had in store for me,
The innocence of youth shone like a freshly planted apple tree.

Time went by as my life was being moulded,
In the hands of an alcoholic father and a woman emotionally scolded,
This time would teach me about good, evil, happiness and strife,
Seeds planted in my mind for the rest of my life.

At 8 years old my life was shaken to the core,
I miss mother now, I don't see her much anymore,
And now dad is drinking every day,
He thinks alcohol will make his sorrow go away.

Five years past and still no change,
Occasional emotional breakdowns, life was confusing and strange,
Until father decided he'd had enough, wanted to get back to real life,
Mums lumbered with me now, So much pain I turned to the knife.

15 years old and my life dripping away,
The pain of everything, I don't want to stay,
Everything in my life was upside down,
Want to get away, escape from this town.

At age 20 I lived in Chicago,
No contact with family, I had to escape I know,
I got away from there with my life intact,
A few deep scars and a working contract.

On my 30th birthday I had a few too many beers,
My wife realised her worst fears,
Her husband was steadily heading downhill,
An alcoholic who has become mentally ill.

40 years old time passes by so fast,
Half of my life is now in the past,
Receding hairline and wrinkling skin,
I feel my life beginning to thin.

I travelled back to England at the age of 45,
Mother wanted to see her son one last time before she died,
I cried on her deathbed like I cried when she left my dad,
I told her I forgive her for leaving and I love her, for this I am glad.

Bulging stomach, sitting in my chair,
50th birthday, but no-one there to share,
Kids grew up and left, wife has gone,
No sign now of that innocent youth that shone.

Why didn't I tell mum I forgive her before she was dying,
Tormented her last days I picture her crying,
I always blamed her for all of my problems in life and my pain,
I apologise towards the sky, Mutter words while I cry in the rain.

60 years old now, tired and alone,
Bitter and resentful, About life I constantly moan,
Deep down under this shell that I hide in,
Lies pain I want to release, But there's no-one to confide in.

Same old chair that I sit in, year after year,
I take another sip to ease my pain, only escape now I find in beer,
Nothing is as it was, Haven't felt the joys of life in so long,
A sudden piercing pain in my chest, sharp and strong.

I drop to my knees, down on the floor,
Left arm is tingling, I crawl towards the door,
My body gives in as the pain gets worse,
I feel myself leaving, as if under some spell or curse.

And in my final moments before I die,
My life flashes in front of me while death looks me in the eye,
And as I look down upon my prison cell,
I realise there's no point in going to heaven when you've already experienced hell.