Insanity keeps catchin me

I call it a nightmare..

but once it was my dream,
my one and only dream
to be dead n underneathe
..
i call it a nightmare
one that keeps running back
and soon enough hell'llbreak loose
how am i to deal?
...

insanity has named me his prized cretin,
he knew i would do anything
made me think that he was right
when indeed he was the fool
...
somewhere, i lost a part of me
i lost my self control.
insanity was my addiction
and he brought along a fee,
he introduced me to the razor blade,
my sworn enemy, so tempting
sent to follow his commands
to saw through the surface
and reveal the river underneath
...
then i took hold
&&i am happy cuz i found true love
which has its twists and turns
and my babys by my side
no matter what the cause
im happy that its finally happened
...
i lost him for a while,
i thought that i was free
but then i found insanity running back to me.

does the 2nd to last verse fit with the poem help i need ideas, and i feel the need to cut even tho im soo happy
can anyone tell mee why?