~This is a poem I wrote about my thoughts...and also....sort of an explanation. I hope everyone understands it who reads it...but if you don't know what I'm talking about...you don't know the half of it...so please...just try to understand. Its also really long....but PLEASE read all of it....because you have to read it all to understand...so yeah. I hope you like it!~
You don't know
How much I need to be loved
You never show
Any care besides the basic needs
What happened to you?
Where are the parents I should have
I'm sure Kathy feels this way too
This is probably why she cuts (NOT trying to blame anyone)
She just wants attention
You give it to her negatively
I wish you would just show repention
But you don't
I'm the one who cares for her
I'm so used to it, it never stops
I bet my best friend is even tired of all the attention, I'm sure
I just wish I could find a way out
People always ask me
Why I'm so over sensitive
I wonder why, if only they could see
Even the half of it
There are times when you try to care
But neither of us is used to it
Its like nothing more than a dare
It doesn't last
Outside, perfect
Inside, broken
Why can't you tell nothing is ever right
Maybe because your always out of sight
I don't know how much more I can take
Of the yelling...screaming...fighting
Sometimes I wish I could just break
But I have NO ONE to hold me when I do
School is the same
Everyone hates me
I'm supposedly "lame"
But you don't care
Well, here's a shocker, neither do I
.....Anymore
Sometimes I cry and sometimes I sigh
But thank God I found someone
So...no one notices me
So...you think I'm worthless
So...I can't make anyone see
I don't care, I WILL feel better
You may drag me down
Just the looks you give me
You hurt me without sound
And you think I'm perfectly happy
Outside I'm happy
Everyone thinks I'm fine
Inside I feel totally crappy
So many things weigh me down
I'm overweight
I'm not good enough
In my present state
The kids here say I should cut
Ha! Never!
In spite of all of this
In spite of my past (Which I won't talk about)
I won't be "miss priss"
I'll always try to be happy
I have future plans
I have things to look forward to, like my best friend and college
Certain strands of my heart may be broken
But I will be ok
I feel extremally bad
Because I've been leaning on my best friend
I can tell her what I'm thinking
And she'll support me
Jennifer, I also wanted to tell you
I'm sorry for being a jerk
I thought you cared more for someone else, and it make me blue
But now I see how wrong I was, and how much you do care
All I really want is to breakdown
And for someone who cares to hold me the whole time
But I'll have to wait about 3 years to block out the sound
I'll be so happy to be with my best friend finally
All I really need is more love
Emotionally, mentally, and physically
But I've found my guardian angel from above
And my second family, my sister, Jennifer
So, just so you know mom and dad
You've completely torn my heart in two
But because I even have love from my best friend, just a tad
I WILL EVENTUALLY BE HAPPY!!!
~Thanks to anyone who cared enough to read the whole entire poem. And so this is clear...I don't want sympathy...I want love. I want love more than anything in the world...so yeah. So..this was also an explanation to the people who have been baffled by my life..and to my best friend...so yeah..I hope you understand this. Thanks for reading...and I'd love it if you comment! Thanks!~
