Paper Wings

I can clearly see why this is your favorite...this poem is beautiful and tragic. you're a very talented poet.

i like the melody of the poem- i realize its not really a song but i heard a melody anyway if you know what i mean

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I loved the way you wrote it
-Jamie

Great job, i remember this poem, it definately is a much better ending, it feels more finished now and it all fits together very well, a wonderful idea (i know i sed that last time!). thanks for taking note of my previous comment and for letting me know about the edit, definately a worthwile improvement :)

The little girl looks out in the world,
But all she sees is rain

*The life that i've been living,
Has left my soul withered and worn,
and because of this wretched rain,
My paper wings are torn.*

The rain outside keeps pouring down,
and indoors the domestic storm grows.
So the little girl gets off the windwsill,
Realizing the world will never know.

Her paper wings will never again
be a wonderous and beautiful sight.
And never again will the little girl,
feel the sweet serenity of flight.
((God, I may have well as just posted the whole poem here... Anyways, these are your stronger lines. Seeing as how this IS half the poem, you know you have a great poem.))

I absolutely LOVED the last two stanzas. A very nice new ending to it. I love the editing. The poemw as magical in a way, and though cliche, very well written. Good job. You had a lot of strong stanzas, which is excellent for a poem. =]

xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex 5.5

Wow. i loved it especially the whole paper wings thing. thought it was very creative and very well written. the rhymes were pretty good but coulda been a little bit better. but besides that it was beautiful
Much love.
Amberinaa.